Constipation, Blood, Vomit, Realisations and Disaster

Its an interesting title I have to say, even for me.

Its 11.48 PM, and its also friday night. there are two things wrong with this situation. First, I am not on the road, at some party or whatever, and secondly, I have no alcohol in my cardiovascular system. It is quite funny, Its my first real weekend back in Cuba, last weekend I spent in Isolation and the weekend before that I was in Antwerp and Rotterdam, having fun, partying, and Marc. I should be so depressed right now, looking at the bottom of the empty rum bottle. But im not, which is one of the strangest feelings.
One of the things that has definitely changed since Ive gotten back to the "real world" is my diet. In europe it mostly consisted of meats and vegetables, no real carbs. The only real carbs I consumed in europe were fries from mcdonalds. Rice doesnt count because I only ate rice like three times that month. Anyway, its back to rice and beans here. It causes some serious changes in my intestinal fauna. And the most immediate effects are already showing. Constipation. Severe constipation. This all brings me back to the time I had to adjust to cuban life, my first few months in cuba were the most painful. Nothing was more difficult than getting my peristaltics to work. I remember the months and months I didnt take a crap at regular intervals, and when I did, it was pure torture. bloody torture, literally. And now its back. And still as painful. I hope you understand what I mean. But if you dont, I could technically be more blunt. The low IQ version goes like this: All this crappy food is making my crap hard as steel, and trying to pass a lump of steel through your anus can cause anal tearing and bleeding, which is exactly what happened to me just now. There we go, now I got it off of my chest.

Anyway, as I was trying my best not to scream out in pain (we share 6 toilet stalls among about 40 students, its by all means a public restroom) I heard a door open, someone running, and a faucet opening. moments later I heard an all too familiar sound, the sound of gagging and the splashing of fluid hitting another fluid. Yes, one of my roommates was vomiting his brains out. Funny, normally one runs to the toilet to vomit, but he did it in the sink, which is also communal. we use it to brush our teeth, clean our food (when we were still allowed to cook) and wash our clothes. And he vomited again. and again. This is where the weirdest thing happened, I got goosebumps and a little bit grossed out. Which is the weirdest feeling, I felt conflicted. Because that used to be me. Who am I kidding, that is me, that was supposed to be me. But it wasnt. I was the one that was soberly crapping my brains out.

That is when I realised that I didnt want it to be me. I didnt want people to recognize me as that drunkard thats always vomiting. As that faggot thats always drunk with the eroded liver. I do not want that anymore. I realised for the first time in a long time that drinking really kills you. It kills everything. Now im not saying that I will judge others, I dont, and I will still enjoy the drink or two, but thats as far as it goes. Im done with the binge drinking, its not worth it. I feel like I want to be a better person. a stronger person. A healthier person.

Fuck me, it feels like im going insane. But I want to do it, will I prevail?

So then the vomiting stopped. the footsteps disappeared into the dark (half of our lamps dont work, and nobody does anything about it) and I cleaned myself. Then I flushed.

Big mistake.

The toilet, once again, plugged, ran over, and spilled EVERYTHING on the floor. it was disaster. im lucky to have avoided the mess. The next person to enter will not be so lucky I fear.

Thank god. No wait, lets just call it pure luck that we have cleaners that come every 12 hours.
theyre just farmers' daughters from the neighborhood that have decided that studying isnt for them, so they clean our crap. thats the best job ever. getting paid 10 USD a month for cleaning after some foreigners' crap that they refuse to clean themselves