Last weekend started out fine. We were all happy that the Bahamians who were coming with us (Louisa and me) had told us that they were going to arrange a ride from school all the way to Havana. That was great because anything beats having to take three separate rides to go to the capital. Then came the first funny part of the weekend. One hour before the planned departure I received an email asking me, more or less telling me, that there was no ride. It was never arranged. This was especially comical because I remembered reminding the Bahamians to arrange this cab from Tuesday onwards, which was 5 days earlier. But yeah, somewhere I did feel that we were going to walk 2 kilometres in the searing sun anyway. Call it my special Surinamese optimism. And by that I mean negativity, because yeah, we know I am negative Sally Jones.
The second fun-thang of the weekend was the departure. I mean, when you know that you only have about 24 hours (of which at least 8 are spent traveling) you'd think that one would hurry to leave right? Nope. They were late. We left at around one and we started the 1.5 mile hike to Isabel Rubio. During which we stopped for refresco and pizza.
On a side note, there is this one girl who annoys me a lot. I don't know why but she really does annoy me meticulously. It is just everything that she does. Even when buying pizza. The girl is fat, you'd think Godzilla would jump at any chance to eat something right, but noooo, homegirl is picky as hell, she refused to eat her pizza because it had some bitter aftertaste. I had to eat her pizza. I eat almost everything. Is it my metabolism-which-is-still-low-cuz-bigmacs-give-me-lovehandles? Is it something else? I don't know but she really really really annoyed me last weekend. Im sorry ellen, but its true, I don't like her. Ever since that weekend in pinar, when we went out to eat. I mean, how difficult is it to order, they already said no beef no pork, just fried chicken. So take the fucking fried chicken. But noooo, they went through every item on the menu with the waitress who was clearly annoyed as she had already said that there was nothing else. But nooo-ho-hooooo homegirl was still trying. *sigh* I have no idea. I really do not.
Moving on, we took a sardine-truck. That means, we sat like a pack of sardines in a can with our bags shoved in every crevasse, yes every crevasse, im pretty sure my sphincter would have a seriously wicked convo with me if it could only talk. It does sometimes talk to me (when it produces farty orchestras) but I have never deepened myself in fartch (farty dutch). When we reached pinar, my left cheek refused to wake up, I had to entice it with a bag of cookies and a bottle of rum. We stopped at el rapido to freshen up after we got some money out of the bank. As I am very hungry right now I keep on regretting not getting myself some fried chicken while I was there. Movig on, we took an ok cab that took all 6 of us to Havana. We had nice music and we all enjoyed it. Well most of us as two of the girls dozed off into a semi-comatose state. Ellen seemed to be enjoying herself. I have just realized that I only refer to ellen, and not to anyone else. I guess its because they don't know that their stories will be put on the net for everyone to read :P:P Anyway, we reached Havana and we split up.
Three of the Bahamians went to Miramar, to their embassy for a special conference which tuned out to be shit anyway) and another Bahamian girl went with Louisa and me, because her grandparents were visiting Havana. We were supposed to locate them and bring her to her family and shit. We all went to our casa to refresh to continue our Havana adventure. I took a big shit. It felt like it had been ages. And then I felt like shaving my balls. So I did that too. Either way, we continued on to look for the direction of her grandparents' house on my map that I carried with me, and we decided to walk there as we had some time to kill. When we finally reached, her people weren't there,
so we had to conversate with the people from the house, And I could smell some nice ass food, but my dignity kept me from asking for some, we went to Chinatown later with Jesus. My cuban friend. The Bahamian girl we were with stayed with her family. By the time we reached the restaurant we were already pretty drunk. We had chop suey and chow mein. Which was actually pretty good, but yeah, I wasn't that hungry anymore. From what I recall, I was conversating with a cat, a beautiful cat. In Spanish. I was telling it how they threw away my pride and joy, Tina, back home. They just threw away my cat, and I was explaining this to the cat in Chinatown, and then it nodded at me, and I knew Jessebelle understood me. Afterwards, I don't really remember what I did, but I think I went to see Ellen and her friend at La Rampa to get a bite to eat. That's where the whole ordering drama started. There was this huge fucking ass picture of a fried ass shrimp, and it said camaron, and she still had to ask me what a Ca-ma-raw-nies were. Ugh, I wanted to take my nasty ass daikiri (this bar was shitty) and smash it into her fat fucking face.
After we sent them home (stumbling, because ellen couldn't even handle half a daikiri hahaha) me, my friend from Nauru and Jesus went to another fiesta de diez pesos. We were a little late but it didn't matter as they were still doing dragshows by the time we arrived. They were going on and on and on (like a pure white diamond –only kylie fans will understand that--) and they finally stopped at 3, when they started with the cool house music that we were waiting for. We met up with mr.6 who is my friends lovebuddy. The one that did her 6 times that is. As we all assumed he was straight, because he fucked her 6 times (somehow I cant stress that enough, it was all within 2 hours hahaha). We couldn't be more wrong. Mr.6 was kissing fag here, fag there, fag everywhere. It was funny actually. I was standing in line to be next, but he stopped prematurely. Hmpf
Anyhow, after the party we sat at the malecon, my friends and me. Where we were just drinking beers, looking pretty, when mr.6 just appeared. And started the whole thing all over again with my friend, just like that time we got robbed. They started kissing and licking and whatnot. And I just continued my convo with Jesus. Then this weird guy (with pretty eyes) and prison tattoos started talking to me. Telling me how much el me gusto. Hahaha. And that I had a culo, and he had a pinga, entonces, nos ibamos a joder. Hahahah, free translation: I have a hole, he has a dick,
concluding: lets fuck.
I did not.
We just kept on talking as he kept on making weird fucking movements in front of me. So I just gave him a peck on the cheek to get him off my back, would have given him a normal kiss if he didn't tell me that he lost his virginity to a pig, or was it a horse, I don't know, some farm animal. I was so disgusted that I had to ask my friend Jesus, and he told me that it is normal there. I wanted to vomit
The next day me and my friend were off to go and get pierced. That never happened. The guy moved back to Holguin, how nice eh? But yeah, we then decided to go look for the rest, whom we found al frente del teatro Yara. Which was fine I guess, only, one was missing since last night.
The Havana curse was back. They were freaked out. And I didn't give a fuck, and neither did my other friends that weren't from the Bahamas. We literally spent two hours just standing there, eating dutty peanuts and talking and drinking Vigor energy drink (its cuban……lol but it works)
Anyway, I finally decided that waiting there wasn't going to solve anything so we all went to Chinatown to eat and drink our sorrows away. I had this killer fish steak and an even kill-y-er cuba libre. That one just done fucked me up I was stumbling. That strong. As we were buying pastries Jesus got a phonecall from some other Bahamians in la habana saying that the missing girl was already halfway back to school. Which sucked because we waited 2 hours on her. So we were pissed. So pissed that we decided to leave immediately where problem number no se qué arose. The taxis were overcharging, so we refused to pay, so we just sat there like Gandhi on a good day. Really, we just sat there ready to take an indisciplina from the school for the fact that we were going to be very late.
At 5 pm we were still there. And our ultimatum was 9 pm. It takes about 4 hours to go to Havana. Well we finally managed to find the same ass rat-cage bus as the one we came in. By the time we reached pinar, I smelled like a chimney and half of my deserts had already melted. We took another cab back to school and reached just in time, at 8.40. All was well in la-la land and the children were sage again
Tadaaaaa
END
PS I really had to summarize the end because I was kind of in a snag
(blames ellen), but yeah, it still makes sense right
Comment if there are any unclear elements.
And please, save the world and ride a cowboy.
No comments:
Post a Comment